| you hurt too much to keep |
[Oct. 24th, 2009|07:08 pm] |
I wish that my eyes would already dried out from tears, even if it was meant to be blind.. So that I could already stop crying. Because every time I cry I feel my heart hollows inside me. Like even an intake of breath isn’t enough to take another beat.
It’s okay to cry, but if it’s too much
it just won’t stop.It’s not easy.
Never was. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 11th, 2009|12:46 am] |
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Won't be using this often, or probably not at all.
Private space.
:) |
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| Truth, Bitter Truth |
[Oct. 4th, 2009|12:22 am] |
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You ever look a picture of yourself, and see a stranger in the background? It makes you wonder how many strangers have pictures of you. How many moments of other peoples life have we been in. Were we a part of someone's life when their dream came true or were we there when their dream died. Did we keep trying to get in? As if we were somehow destined to be there or did the shot take us by surprise. Just think, you could be a big part of someone elses life, and not even know it.
- One Tree Hill
10 Things I would like to tell 10 People without naming them: - Could you stop acting like this, because it's making me really confused.
- I wish you'd trust me and tell me everything, because I want to be there.
- I wish you'd learn how to stop judging others.
- Do not be affected by what others say about you, okay? It really isn't worth it.
- God loves you. He really does.
- Please don't give up on me
- I forgive you.
- Do you know you're so much better than this?
- Im sorry for hurting you.
- You know, you really ought to learn how to appreciate things more..
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 29th, 2009|11:07 pm] |
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Break my heart for what breaks yours
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| I'm soaked to the skin |
[Sep. 28th, 2009|05:07 pm] |
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If you hold back on the emotions -- if you don't allow yourself to go all the way through them -- you can never get to being detached, you're too busy being afraid. You're afraid of the pain, you're afraid of the grief. You're afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails.
But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your head even, you experience them fully and completely. You know what pain is. You know what love is. You know what grief is. And only then can you say, 'All right. I have experienced that emotion. I recognize that emotion. Now I need to detach from that emotion for a moment.'
- tuesdays with Morrie |
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| Talk you down |
[Sep. 27th, 2009|08:38 pm] |
Okay My ppg just called me specially to tell me she heard this song on the radio and that she knew i would love it.. How nice :)
God never gives us a trial which we can't overcome, and no matter how difficult and trapped you feel, there's always light at the end of the darkness. A way out.
I'm still walking through this reaaaally reaally long and dark tunnel. And though the tunnel scares me so, the route is bumpy and never smooth, how moody and dirty it is.... There's only one thing in my mind.
To see Jesus at the end of the tunnel.
Yup, Okay back to SS i go! :)
+ (26.09.2009)
Happy Birthday Joanne Eng!
It's the end where i begin.
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| Happy |
[Sep. 25th, 2009|12:05 am] |
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"So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge,
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don’t care about all the pain in front of me
I just trying to be happy
I just wanna be happy, yeah"
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 23rd, 2009|10:25 pm] |
(24.09.2009.)
Happy happy birthday to:
Ruiqi (Y)
Winona (Y) |
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| Struck a sparkling tone like a xylophone |
[Sep. 20th, 2009|10:01 pm] |
Because of you, there's no need to fear (:
Okay, i've decided. I'm going to start all over and work on the connectgroup and i've lost.. I will do it from scratch, for God. Why have i stopped loving them? Why have i gave up on them? I loved them, and i will love them to the end.
And I need emotional maturity, to be able to accept things and people who disappoint. I need the maturity, to not be discouraged easily.
The song says:
I Love, because you First Loved me
I Live Because Of What You Gave
You Died To Showed Me How To Live
Your Mercy Taught Me To Forgive
I could have done the stupid way, the way everybody thought was easier, to leave when i was at the end of my road, but Thank you w445, Because i saw how YOU guys clung on, I clung on as well :))) See the importance of having a spiritual family? :)
I really hope BY FAITH i cried out all my suppressed emotions today. I really, really am so tired of having all the feelings inside stucked in heart all the time yet it's so stubborn to manifest.
Chcsa, will help me learn to be stronger :) Doing social work is really awesome, the smiles they give you.. melts your heart. And I want to be a social worker as well when i grow up!
A touch from God today, and i'm never the same again!
_
Burdens.. Burdens for people :) It's somehow great to feel a burden for souls again.I forgot to mention how sweet Miss estelle chia was on friday ... she's sooooo nice sigh!
Ok at airport today studying, ruiqi you idiot don't anyhow give people your number anymore! I helped her to fix her stalker :D thank you thank you i know i know :D
the guy gave her 53 miscalls leh. STALKER OR WHAT. funny to the max.. ruiqi said he was super round hahahha i just saw his photo
After i called him to tell him to stop disturbing my friend, He texted:
"Can we still remain as phone buddies?"
And i replied:
"hahahhhahahahahahhahahhahahahahhahahaha
hahahahahhahahahahhahahahhhahahahahhahaha
hahahhahahahhahahahhahahahhahahahhaha No."
"So this is the end?"
"yup i'm not talking to you anymore, it's the last goodbye."(LOL SO EMO HAHAHA)
On the phone:
"Why don't you want to reply?"
"err, cause i don't want to?"
"don't you enjoy talking to me? :("
"err, NO i don't enjoy talking to you omg."
"FINE. i guess this is over ? this is the end?"
"yup this is the end buhbye"
Ohya and he damn weird seriously he spam text her alot of hair stand messages oh and greg got freaked out when we were talking about lesbians in IJ LOL get used to it
Cheer up and dry your damp eyes and tell me when it rains
And I'll blend up that rainbow above you and shoot it through your veins
Cuz your heart has a lack of color and we should've known
That we'd grow up sooner or later cuz we wasted all our free time alone |
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| Melanie |
[Sep. 19th, 2009|12:29 am] |
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
Cause everything is never as it seems
Melanie:
this is the first time i've seen you so upset you know, and thinking of how you were always there in school for me to Hug and rant to, i want to be here for you too.. You looked so tired and fragile today Cheer Up Mel i want bubbly mel back :))) and it really sucked that I was the one who had to tell you what was happening Guys are jerks right. hahaha..
YAY I found GLEE on youtube! :) Love it
You know, sjc library was screening Twilight on thursday or something ohmygoodness- Yes, for 50cents or 1dollar or something like that, You pay and you watch it after school. So they pasted notices at the staircases, Lifts all. when i first saw, I was like "HAHA what the heckk, Shanna?!?!?! LOOK." then she gave me the Look and tore the paper off the wall, crumpled it, stepped on it and walk off. Hahahaha hilarious
Lit students had a talk after school with Michael palmer on the issue of racism since tkmb and a raisin in the sun was all about that, then went to do admin for dance and headed off to compass with shanna and methawi. if i continue going out with you two, my death date would be brought much nearer.. Hahaha and i've been hyperventilating alot lately!!
Anyway, happy birthday Methawi! blessed them with Kfc and mel came to find me after choir.. We thought of many ideas to let __ die a terrible death hahaha evil but at least we managed to make her laugh/smile a little :)
I've been studying SO MUCH!! Gosh, i'm really proud of myself. Heard that w445????? Krystle liew!! Hahaha mugger4lyfe..
During morning assembly,
3D: *SCREAMS* COCKROACH COCKROACH!!!!!!!!
3E: *backs off* ARGH!!!!! OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
3F: Go AWAY GO AWAY
Miss Koh: *rolls eyes* sigh
Jolyn: HAHA are you wishing you were teaching in a boys' school again?
Found this on Zhenni's twitter, it rockzzzzzz Hahah aj rafael + gf jenny suk mix of 1234 and best i ever had
To ten million fireflies
I'm weird 'cause I hate goodbyes
I got misty eyes as they said farewell |
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| There's every good reason for letting you go |
[Sep. 16th, 2009|08:33 pm] |
RACHEL NEO: OMGOMGOMGOMGGGGG BEE!!!! BEEE!!!! BEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! HUITING!!! ITS ON YOU!!!
(screams and jumps up running all over)
HUITING: WHERE?!!!??!?!?!
(gets up and runs around the class)
MS KOH: Where??.... (brushes Huiting's back)
RACHEL NEO: Oh no more already..
SHANNA: OMG!!! ITS HERE~ !!!! EEK
(screams and runs)
3FAITH: (screams) (whines) (hides)
MS KOH: (shouting) THIS IS A TIME IN MY LIFE WHERE I WISH I TAUGHT IN A BOYS SCHOOL..
Hahahahaha 3faith my happy pill ~
I'm so desperate to do well now even studying during recess time.. I'm so going to glorify God! :D There's so much to study! Maybe should join the Sec 4s and 5s for night study sometime soon?
K i shall go study Chem and do some math Bye
If we find that our vision is blinded
We should slow down and maybe we will find it
Every heart just needs a little time to grow
If we go through a little bit of hard times
You should know that to fix it it'll take time
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| Kept all my teardrops and shed them like yours |
[Sep. 15th, 2009|07:14 pm] |
I was really like some sleepy head today.
Sleep here, there, everywhere when i slept at 9 the previous night !!! What's happening! Hahaha Oh nooo
There was alot of things on my mind, and Miss koh triggered it by giving me a lecture.. I know it's really nothing much, but having been so frustrated already, to have something else upset you even alittle more could actually cause you to break?
So i just lied on my desk since it was free period, i slept awhile, then i started crying all of a sudden. Really hate it that i can't control my emotions at all, argh but that's not the main point i'm trying to write about, wait for it!
The next period was assembly but i couldn't move at all so i remained at my seat, Miss Koh told the rest to leave and then she just kept "You have to go down now. I have to be with the class you know? Everyone has to go for the assembly. Why are you crying, huh? you think sitting here crying is going to solve your problems? We HAVE to attend the assembly. Do you want me to stand here for the whole day? Let's go for assembly. You know this is considered as truancy? Let's go down now. You don't want to move, I will call the DM up."
I wasn't like being rebellious or whatever but you know sometimes you really really REALLY can't bring yourself to do anything? I didn't even have the strength to Reply her!
What theee she kept repeating the same thing i was irritated hahahha but she damn cute la she keep saying she will call the dm up in the end she called MDM TAN up! Hahaha (Yes main point here)
I feel seriously blessed everytime i talk to her! and it's really lucky that the school counsellor is a woman of God, so she can understand everything from the spiritual angle and all. Yes, You know she's sooo nice!!! She kept asking me go down and she will give me chocolate milk. -.- Hahaha
And she prayed for me!
"You know i just came back yesterday? I had surgery."
"what happen to you???"
"I had a cyst in my mouth, and it was cancerous, so i was diagnosed with cancer. I thank God for the gift of my life, and that currently all the cancerous cells have been removed, but it's not 100% that i'm cleared from it. I pray to God i can get through this, so i can continue to help more people."
I'm so inspired by her faith.. She told me alot alot other things. Just lift them up to the lord! And she said that i was the first person she would pray for like this, Ok hahaha. anyway i told her, I would be praying for her.
:D
ran down to take height and weight, Errr... Haha 159/160 cm and **kg omg kill me. Oh we starved the whole day just for this hahha. then we went to Macs and wasted it all! :(((((((
Haha i'm really alright.. :)))
"Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest"
should i unlock my posts? :/
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| Like a kite, i'm coming back |
[Sep. 12th, 2009|10:10 pm] |
When a memory's gone... So is the soul, they say.
_
You have faith when I'm faithless
Strength when I don't
You believe in me even when I won't
You are patient, you are true
Your love is what gets me through
I love God.. :) |
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| Everybody needs a bigger heart |
[Sep. 11th, 2009|10:37 pm] |
Jiayi loaned me her uniform! Haha went into Nygh to study today. Haven't worn the uniform ever since i graduated 3years ago from Nyps.
I was actually finding it really fun to sneak in (haha of course) and i was like giggling all the way and Rui kept telling me "Omg, can stop giving me the cheeky smile!!"
Visited SPCA. omg heartbroken
You know when you walk to the cages, all the doggies flock toward the door and looks at you with those... EYES! telling you, Please take me home, please take me home!
There was one, aaah, The eyes were so watery, it made me feel like as if the dog was crying, It made me tear! Agh! why people so irresponsible? i saw many with the tag signs: LOST.
And then there was this little 2months old kitty... Oh goshhh when it meows it's so soft and sweet just makes me want to bring it home :( no phototaking allowed but i just had to.. hahahaha
Who am I without your love?
I cannot live without your touch
You hold my hand and walk me through
All I need is you Who am I without your love?
I cannot breathe without your touch
oh yes, i'm not going to care anymore. |
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| Like living through a cold and starless night |
[Sep. 8th, 2009|11:04 pm] |
How could I have been so blind
When you were always here
So near to me
And there is no other
Who knows me the way
I feel you do
And you were waiting all the time
For me to come around
And finally see
All the love I was missing
There you were right beside me
Always beside me
You are my light and my truth
I've found my destiny in you
"If God is for us, who can be against us?"
I want to sacrifice.... more for you. I want to do more.. for your kingdom. Ask me whether i'm satisfied, No i'm not. I absolutely miss my cg like craaazy Sigh But i know it will all work out because you're the king of my life (Y)
Jesus Christ, name above all names.
I miss Bettie teo......
I miss Leon......
P.S. I shall lock most of my posts from now on. |
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| Calling down an angel |
[Sep. 7th, 2009|11:20 pm] |
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And if you start to feel alone just know that I am ..
Calling down an angel who will
help you believe
Sending out a prayer, I'm down on my knees
Reaching up to heaven knowing you will someday see
There's hope beyond the struggle
Just hold on
I'm calling down an angel
It's been tested and proven, I can't be angry for more than 5-10minutes. Hahahahaha. Krystle gave Anlynn Julie Isaac and i FT2 Lesson 1 today, i was superrr late sorry all of you!
Krystle COOKED for us, Hahaha it was quite funny!
School tomorrow. Math :<
I'm going to start being part of Operation Beautiful tomorrow ~ |
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| Last flight out |
[Sep. 7th, 2009|12:14 am] |
Few days ago, I brought ruiqi to my hide-out. It's a place I found that has been through alot of things with me. I head to there everytime i'm feeling upset, and so it's a place where i've deposited alot of memories. I don't know what made me trusted her, but i did not regret (:
Now it's 00:16, I feel like going there now .................
"He who does not love does not know God; for God is love." 1 John 4:8
Trying to keep positive.
I've changed so much after _, i can't stand myself.. Please stop doing things to my life people. ha, i don't take them like other people do. i'm so damn sensitive.. so please, stop.
_
Wednesday: Town with Boonting, Bandslammmm and checking guitars out
Thursday: Math remedial, then to my Hide-out w Ruiqi
Friday: Happy Birthday Shihe & Yilin (Y), Fund-Run, Compass
Saturday: Happy Birthday Brother, Richard's church event w Isaac, Cellgroup, Dinner with AAR/RAA
Sunday:
Ruiqi came to church today! Yay i'm so proud of her!!! Love her many though today's service was kind of dry for friends, hmmm but also a wake-up call for members who have been slacking off in their spiritual lives. Buck up!
Plaza Sing(omg again) for Lunch with 445/417, brandon came! Did many spastic stuff.. trained home to celebrate brother's belated birthday, bathed and out again to meet ambrose and ruiqi, cabbed to justin's house to play tennis, Jo = very fail, anlynn rita amanda yixuan and greg was there too, Justin and his parents were very nice to prepare dinner for us thanks ^^
Back home and rita welcomed me on msn with her phone getting rolled over by the cab she alighted from and it's destroyed. hahahahahahaa RITARDED.
You're forever
Written in my heart |
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| I'm just lucky to linger in your light |
[Sep. 1st, 2009|10:13 pm] |
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Taking everything for granted but we still respect the time
We move along with some new passion knowing everything is fine
And I would wait and watch the hours fall in a hundred separate lines
But I regain repose and wonder how I ended up inside
Can we fast-forward to go down on me?
Stop there and let me correct it
I wanna live a life from a new perspective
You come along because I love your face
And I'll admire your expensive taste
And who cares divine intervention
I wanna be praised from a new perspective
But leaving now would be a good idea
So catch me up on getting out of here
(Can we fast-forward to you go down on me?)
Great new song from Panic at the disco!
Try listening to:
1. Smile - Uncle Kracker
2. Future Love - Kristinia Debarge
:)
Haircut today....... Shorter :((((((((( But less layers so yay
Study date with Ruirui shanna rui's friend renee and i forgot the guy's name. |
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| Where the streets have no name |
[Aug. 30th, 2009|09:00 pm] |
Someone's Watching Over Mecloser than my heart
And it's making me afraid of being happy now..
No No No! what's happening! I'm not going to be controlled by the devil again! Ugh so many conflicts in my heart and mind!
1.Krystle's coming back at 6am tomorrow, can't wait.
2.Teacher's day celebration tomorrow, Y/N?
3. Nanyang tomorrow ??????
4. Cheer up Cheryl, both of us are so stupid to be down over such stuffs. :( I'm here for you best
Father, here's my cry. i want to be set free. |
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| Seeking refuge |
[Aug. 26th, 2009|08:48 pm] |
Few days ago, Julie sent me a link to this video.
Too touching.. Every believer would go through that in their spiritual journeys.
God is telling you not to give up right now...
Pick yourself up, when the burdens are so heavy for you that you fall.
Cling on, even when you no longer have the strength.
Be Faithful, and God will meet you at the end of this tiring journey..
i will be still and know you are God.
Only eyes which have teared before can see clearly.
“We enjoy warmth because we have been cold. We appreciate light because we have been in darkness. By the same token, we can experience joy because we have known sadness.”
with Cel at subway now studying Physics.. I love her lah she came from Jurong East to Clarke for me <3 Leaving in probably an hour's time.
Really can't understand how difficult this is. i spent an entire afternoon doing something really stupid. Sigh. Haha, whatever. It's only for me to know :)
My favourite capture for the day!
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